Emma

I have been touched recently by the story of a newborn, Emma, fighting for her life. Emma is the daughter of Matty and Ellen, who I know but am not close with. They have a blog that has detailed Emma's fight, and many of us all over the world have been keeping up to date, rooting for this little girl.

Emma passed on Sunday afternoon.

Although I have been reading the blog every day for a while now, it wasn't until this post that I actually cried - http://offramp.exit83.com/blogs/mattk/archive/2008/04/08/an-open-letter-to-emma.aspx.

The post is a letter from Ellen (the mom) to Emma, after she has passed. Ellen tells Emma of all her favorite moments during the 4.5 months they had together, and at the end says "Godspeed Emma, may you speak with the breezes, play in the trees, bask in the sunshine, and be a part of every child’s laugh. I love you with every essence of my being. Your mama, Ellen"

That's when I cried. I cried for Matty and Ellen, I cried for Emma, I cried for Ella (Emma's twin who will never know her sister). Also, I cried from pure emotion as I filled with my own awareness of the powerful love of a parent for a child. The love one has for one's own child is indescribable, but I will try to hint at how it feels for me -

Isabella, I love you.

I love when we fall asleep together, you nuzzled in close, my arms around you.
I love stroking your hair and kissing your forehead as you drink your bottle in the morning, even when you have woken me up way too early.
I love your excitement for everything new in the world - for puppies, sprinklers, starfish, umbrellas, worms, ladybugs, big empty cardboard boxes, and so so many other things.
I love how you hold your baby doll, rock her to sleep, feed her a bottle, and comfort her when you think she is crying.
I love how determined and independent you are, even when it drives me crazy.

Isabella, I love you so much that if you and I were drowning and your dad could only save one of us, in a heartbeat I would want it to be you. And if you and he were drowning, I would save you first - not because I don't love your dad just as much, but because I know without question that it would be his dying wish for you to live before him. I know that over the years we will have our struggles and that you will push me to my limit. At the same time, I know with certainty that this love I feel for you will never change. My love for you penetrates every fiber, every cell of my body, every bit of my soul. Thank you for being my little girl.

Your mama,
Holly