Melanie's first camping trip

Melanie turned exactly 1 month old this past Thursday. To celebrate, we took her on her first camping trip! Some of you may think we are crazy to to camping with a newborn, but what can I say... we love camping! Frankly, we didn't have much choice in the matter anyway, as Isabella has been begging (every day) to go camping. Usually we go camping every other weekend from the end of April until early October every year, but had a 2 month hiatus this year (one month before the birth, one month after). Isabella LOVES camping and was really missing it. She would frequently say things like "Lets go camping tonight" or "When can we go camping?" or she would get on a pretend phone, arrange a camping trip, and inform us "We are going camping in 5 hrs." It was incessant, and truth be told it tickled us that she loves camping as much as we do.

So we packed up our VW camper van, lots of diapers, swaddle blankets, our 2 kids, our dog, and headed out to Camano Island State Park. Once we arrived we popped our camper top, put out some camp chairs, sat back, and remembered why we love camping so much. Big trees, campfires, clean air, it was all wonderful. We were also reminded of how much fun camping is for kids. Isabella finds SO much to do in the woods. First she found a slug - "Look mommy, what's this!!!" She was fascinated by both the slug and his trail of slime, enough so that there were many discussions about and visits to this amazing creature. Then, she proceeded to help her father chop wood. He had a hatchet, and she found her own "hatchet" (a long stick) -



Next, she started searching through the forest for sticks, proudly asserting that she was going to find some trekking poles (for context, she has been obsessed with some trekking poles she saw at REI which we wouldn't buy for her). So she found some sticks, said "These are my trekking poles!" and told us that she wanted to go for a walk. We proceeded to hike down to the beach. Melanie rode in a baby carrier on my belly -



We all had a great time down at the beach. Isabella insisted on stealing John's sunglasses -


And then Isabella and Ellie became completely consumed with playing together. It went like this - Isabella would pick up a rock, throw it in the water, and Ellie would run in after it. Repeat. It didn't matter that each the rock was sinking into the water which was on top of many many rocks (and thus Ellie could never possibly find the rock that was thrown). Regardless, Ellie chased every rock that was thrown and loved it. Isabella never tired of the game either.

Later, we had a campfire. Melanie relaxed in her very first camp chair by her very first campfire.

All in all, it was a great trip. We were wondering how camping with a newborn would be and so this was our test run (in preparation for a longer 5 day camping trip next week). Turns out that it was no problem at all, and we are ready for more. Yay for camping!!!

Damn cute little girls

Bridget (John's sister) just sent these matching clothes for Isabella and Melanie. Are my little girls cute, or what? Thanks Bridget!!!

Oh breast pump, set me free...

On Sunday I broke out my breast pump for the first time since I weened Isabella. We were waiting for Melanie to get to be almost 4 weeks old, as some say that if you give a baby a bottle before 4 weeks then the baby will get confused between bottle/breast and may develop issues with latching onto the nipple (and thus could ultimately reject the breast).

A breast pump is a truly amazing device. You plug it into the wall, put these suction cup thingies onto your breasts, and 5-8min later - a bottle of breast milk for your baby. The truly amazing part, though, is the scenarios it enables. When you don't use a breast pump and have a newborn, you are completely at the mercy of that baby's hunger needs. Many people don't realize how intense this can be, as a newborn will nurse (at times) every 20min for 2 hrs straight. Of course sometimes you get long 1-3hr breaks as well, but you never know when the baby will be in a nursing frenzy mode or a conked out mode. So you are on call at every moment. Then comes the day you pump your milk! You put the cups on, crank the machine up to max (once you get used to what at first feels like torture), extract some milk, hand the bottle to your husband, and voila - FREEDOM!

As luck would have it, the breast pump equals freedom for the father too. Imagine how it is for John - the doting father and loving husband. He wants to help, wants to be a primary caregiver to his child, wants to give his wife time to herself. So when Melanie cries, he rocks her, sings to her, cuddles with her, does everything he can to soothe her until he eventually has to say "I give up. She needs to nurse." It has to be a bit frustrating to have to cry uncle like that, to not be able to take care of all of her needs himself. So once the breast pump is in the picture, John is totally empowered to have father-daughter time without having to, at some point, feel like a failure. He has all the tools he needs to soothe his sweet babe, all the tools he needs to give his wife a break. Everyone wins.

The first item on my "What I want to do with my new found freedom" list was, of course, YOGA! I hadn't taken a practice since before Melanie was born, so it was with great excitement that I pumped my milk and threw on my yoga clothes. I then went up to my yoga studio, sat on my mat, crossed my legs, and gazed upon the beautiful view of the Cascade mountains. WOW! How lucky I am! As soon as I sat down I flooded with a sense of peace. There I was, sitting in my large, airy, bright, perfect, home studio. It was impossible to not burst with a sense of gratitude. I closed my eyes, began to meditate, and filled with the memory of how the studio came to be. When John and I got together we each owned our own homes about 6 blocks apart. Part of my home had been converted into a yoga studio. His home was bigger and nicer and was the obvious choice for where we would live together once we got more serious. He told me, very early on when we were first discussing living together, that of course I should not lose a yoga studio in the deal, and that he would use every penny he had to build me one at his home. Sure enough, he made good on that promise and built me the yoga studio of my dreams.

So there I sat in my beautiful studio - the studio that is a symbol of my husband's love for me, the place I spend time in when I need to heal, the room I use to help others heal and find peace, the room where no one is ever angry with me, no one ever judges me. There I sat, and I found peace. I did a few stretches, layed around on the floor with cushions in certain ways to open up my stiff body, and meditated some. In the end, though, it didn't really matter what I did, all I needed to do was be there, and something in me healed just a little bit more.

I am thankful that I have such a place to go, that I have such a loving husband who supports me in finding time for myself, and that I have my trusty breast pump! Life, as always, is good.

Four days

I sent John away on a 4 day backpacking trip tonight. I'm not sure if I am a glutton for punishment, or very in love, or both. This trip is my birthday present to him (he turns 35 on Saturday, August 9). Of course, I'm a bit daunted by the prospect of 4 days without him. I will have some help during the days, as Heath and Mary have volunteered to take Isabella on some excursions while I nap with Melanie in the afternoons. Still, I will have no help at night or in the early mornings, which is a slightly scary prospect when you have a 16 day old, a rambunctious 3yr old (who happens to be in a won't-listen phase), and are still recovering from surgery.

So why am I doing it? Well, I guess it's all about trying to give a meaningful gift. How meaningful is it to swipe my credit card at some store? What could I buy for John that he couldn't buy for himself? One meaningful gift that I can give to him is time - time to be in the mountains, time to throw a heavy pack on his back, time to be with freinds, time to drink a mug of wine by a campfire, time to look at the stars, time to reflect on all that he has back home that makes him a happy man.

John, I love you. You have given me everything I could ever want in life. Thank you for being my husband and for being the father of my children. Happy birthday.

A very grown up little girl

Isabella is growing up so fast. It seems like she has grown up a lot just in the 12 days since Melanie was born. Already I can see that she gets it, gets that she has to be a little more independent, gets that she has to help out more. She may not completely love all the changes in the household, but she is smart enough to know that she needs to adapt. I love her for this.

This morning she woke up and immediately asked to paint. I wanted to let John get a little extra sleep, so I got up with her and Melanie and set her up at the easel while I nursed the little one in my rocking chair. It was nice to be able to take care of Melanie while watching Isabella paint and while interacting with her about what she was doing. Today she was focusing on the results of mixing colors - "Look mommie, when I mix white and red it makes pink!" Very cute.


Then later in the day John took Isabella out for one of their frequent excursions while I stayed home with Melanie. Isabella got a new very grown up bike last week as her Big Sister present from us. She has been very excited about riding the bike as often as possible. Today she and John rode around town for 4 hrs and played at 2 different parks. What a life! Here's some pics John took of Isabella looking extremely grown up. My goodness... it goes by so fast.

12 days

It's been 12 days since Melanie was born, and I have to say that everything is going incredibly well! I'm healing much faster than I did after Isabella was born, have a lot of energy, and am getting around really well. Part of the healing process has been all the sleep I've been getting, really a shocking amount for a new mom. Melanie typically gives me 6 hrs at night and I grab a 2hr nap with her during the day. I actually feel rested, which I never dreamed would happen this soon. John said that after Isabella was born I wasn't this rested for 2 years! It really is true what they say - it's easier the second time around.

Yesterday I packed up all my maternity clothes for good. After Melanie was born we decided definitively that this will be our last child. We decided this for many different reasons, not just because of how hard both births were on my body. In some ways it was empowering to pack up all those huge items of clothing, empowering to know that I will be able to get back into shape and get my body back for good. At the same time, the finality of it all was tinged with a tiny bit of sadness. As with many things in life, the process was bittersweet.

In other bittersweet news, John and I spent some time last night discussing how things change with the new baby. I lamented how I won't have much 1:1 time with Isabella anymore and reminisced about all the sweet mother and daughter things we have done over the last 3.5 yrs - zoo trips, playground time, bath time together, etc. I got a bit weepy talking about how I already miss my special time with Isabella and how I feel like our close relationship has changed instantly. I also talked about how I'm afraid that Melanie won't get the benefit of all the solo parental time that Isabella had. John then talked about how lucky I am that I will still have 1:1 time with Melanie while Isabella is in pre-school and how I will be able to do more with Isabella once I have healed. He reminded me that I will soon be back to my fun excursions with Isabella and that they will be special for her in a different way with Melanie tagging along, strapped to me in a baby carrier. Then he gave me a healthy dose of perspective by reminding me how he won't get hardly any 1:1 time with Melanie since he will soon have to go back to work all day and then when he is with the kids on weekends and while I teach it will almost never be 1:1. He mentioned how it's sad sometimes... being at work all day while we play at home. Wow... that was humbling. John - thanks for the reminder that I have nothing to complain about, and that even though things have changed, I will still get lots of special time with my kids.

I guess it's a confusing time for everyone - lots of joy, lots of healing, lots of adjustment. Such is life.