Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Birthday reflections

I turn 33 today! As a treat, I took a few hours to myself to go for a walk, sit in a coffee shop, and read a book. Usually on Tuesdays I use the time Izzy is in pre-school to do housework, so today felt very indulgent. When you are a mom, sitting around in a cafe for a few hours is VERY luxurious.... some of you know what I mean.


Anyway, I am reading the book "Joy's Way" by W. Brugh Joy. This book was given to me by my friend David as it was very transformative for him. This makes the book extra meaningful - meaningful because of it's deep and insightful content, and meaningful because it was a gift of love from David (who happens to be a very loving person). Reading it and connecting with certain parts, I can reflect on which parts inspired him.


Without trying to review/summarize the whole book, I give you a couple of small excerpts -


"There is a quotation from Goethe:"If you treat a man as he appears to be, you make him worse than he is. But if you treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, you make him what he should be.""


Word. I can't even begin to tell you all the things this makes me think about. I ponder times I have been around a long term friend/family member who is mad at me for something from years past, who has a dark energy towards me, and thus thinks badly of me in some way. I recognize how with such people I am consistently at my worst, whereas with other people I am consistently at my best. Also, I reflect on times I have judged others, not allowed myself to see them as what they could be, not seen in them the full light that is in their hearts (even if it is very dim from the outside). Reading this section of the book, I have new determination to see others as what they could be, and to surround myself with people who look at me in the same way!


"Delete your need to understand."


The book goes on to say that you don't need to delete your understanding, just your need to understand. It is important to be able to embrace experiences/feelings/enlightenments, even if you don't understand why or how they happened. This is something I have begun to sense through my studies of yoga over the last decade. I used to reject anything that came to me without proof. This is pretty common for people in our society.... we are raised to be very scientific, very structured, to adhere to rules. In my world, you either backed something up with facts and cold hard documented proof, or it was woo-woo religion to control the masses. Over time, however, I have found how my previous need to understand the hows and whys of things has held me back. Isn't it true that something is real if I feel it? If I feel something, isn't that a valid reality? If I have a deep experience and then try to discount it because I don't understand how it could have occurred, then aren't I doing myself a disservice? Trust me, it was hard for me to get to this place, hard to soften my hard engineering mind. Slowly, slowly, though, I have begun to see how closed I was and I have begun to open to light. I remember when I was having a very difficult labor experience with Isabella, back in late 2004 (it's a long story, but it was a very stressful and scary 2 week period). I sat in meditation at one point, and was instantly filled with light. I could very distinctly feel that my teacher and his wife were meditating and sending me love. The love was so warm, clear, unconditional, and nurturing. I didn't try to understand how such a thing could be possible, I simply welcomed the love in, simply allowed myself to be thankful to have Aadil and Mirra in my life. I had deleted my need to understand. Someday perhaps I will understand more about how such things work. The book goes on to say that it's not bad or wrong to understand, just that if you need to understand before you can experience, then you will perhaps never experience. Needless to say, this section resonated strongly with my yoga journey in the recent past.

There was more in the book that jumped out to me, but that is all I will discuss for now.

Later in the day (after my time at the cafe), I picked Isabella up from pre-school, sat with her for an hour or so while she played in the bath, took a lovely yoga practice with Nika while Mary watched Isabella, and then ate a delicious birthday dinner cooked by my wonderful husband.

I am lucky in life.

No comments: