12 days

It's been 12 days since Melanie was born, and I have to say that everything is going incredibly well! I'm healing much faster than I did after Isabella was born, have a lot of energy, and am getting around really well. Part of the healing process has been all the sleep I've been getting, really a shocking amount for a new mom. Melanie typically gives me 6 hrs at night and I grab a 2hr nap with her during the day. I actually feel rested, which I never dreamed would happen this soon. John said that after Isabella was born I wasn't this rested for 2 years! It really is true what they say - it's easier the second time around.

Yesterday I packed up all my maternity clothes for good. After Melanie was born we decided definitively that this will be our last child. We decided this for many different reasons, not just because of how hard both births were on my body. In some ways it was empowering to pack up all those huge items of clothing, empowering to know that I will be able to get back into shape and get my body back for good. At the same time, the finality of it all was tinged with a tiny bit of sadness. As with many things in life, the process was bittersweet.

In other bittersweet news, John and I spent some time last night discussing how things change with the new baby. I lamented how I won't have much 1:1 time with Isabella anymore and reminisced about all the sweet mother and daughter things we have done over the last 3.5 yrs - zoo trips, playground time, bath time together, etc. I got a bit weepy talking about how I already miss my special time with Isabella and how I feel like our close relationship has changed instantly. I also talked about how I'm afraid that Melanie won't get the benefit of all the solo parental time that Isabella had. John then talked about how lucky I am that I will still have 1:1 time with Melanie while Isabella is in pre-school and how I will be able to do more with Isabella once I have healed. He reminded me that I will soon be back to my fun excursions with Isabella and that they will be special for her in a different way with Melanie tagging along, strapped to me in a baby carrier. Then he gave me a healthy dose of perspective by reminding me how he won't get hardly any 1:1 time with Melanie since he will soon have to go back to work all day and then when he is with the kids on weekends and while I teach it will almost never be 1:1. He mentioned how it's sad sometimes... being at work all day while we play at home. Wow... that was humbling. John - thanks for the reminder that I have nothing to complain about, and that even though things have changed, I will still get lots of special time with my kids.

I guess it's a confusing time for everyone - lots of joy, lots of healing, lots of adjustment. Such is life.